Thursday, July 19, 2012

Sleeping on Sandwiches - Day 19

Sleeping on Sandwiches - Day 19

The Posture Police Blotter was on hiatus for awhile and I've revived it with a daily blog that is running from June 20 through September 22. This daily edition has a different focus to it and the gem in all of this is that what I'm going to be writing and what I've written about posture and the Alexander Technique are all related. Follow along and learn how!

I sailed forth, but left the ship behind, and then found myself adrift.

It's been a few days since my last post.  I've been immersed in home and family.  I've had some wonderful epiphanies and also feel that everything is turned upside-down, topsy-turvy.  In general I feel very uncomfortable and don't know what will happen next (not that I ever really do) or know how what will happen next will happen.  I flip flop between excitement and terror.  I often here that in order to solve a problem, there must first be a crisis.  A can of worms must open up and the worms must be dealt with in order to move forward or to even understand clearly what moving forward entails.

It doesn't seem like we are making as much progress in unpacking and putting our home together as we'd like to be, though we certainly have made some.  My biggest realization spending all of this time at home, when I'm usually working 5 or 6 days per week, often returning home late, is that I have a family.  (Duh!)  We have some critical issues that need to be resolved soon, but wow, I live with three incredible people whom I love.  I feel more together as a unit with them than I have in a long time and like I truly want to connect with them.  I've spent a lot of time focusing on other things and I feel that my motivation has in part been avoidance of truly feeling a part of that unit and the can of worms that would inevitably spill open as a step in getting to that point.  I am humbled.  I feel a spark of a new sense of purpose and motivation forming my still new and changing sense of family and myself. 

 I've done some things professionally over the past few years that I'm really proud of, but it all has a sour taste because I feel that it wasn't coming from a truthful grounded place of being honest with myself and dealing head-on in all aspects of my life.  I sailed forth, but left the ship behind, and then found myself adrift.  F.M. Alexander would have called this end-gaining, just like jutting your chin forward and pushing your chest out in order to "walk quickly" is end-gaining.  Your there before your there, and then you're not really there.  

Do you feel that you've end-gained in any part of your life and left behind an unopened can-of worms?

No comments:

Post a Comment